The complete guide to
irresponsible voting

1. The classic coin toss.
You may not know who you're going to vote for, but you sure as Hell know who you're NOT going to vote for. That leaves two candidates. If one is as good (or bad) as the other, why not let clearer heads (or tails) make the decision? Besides, you'll be tossing money at these clowns, and they'll be tossing it away, so it's sort of symbolic.

2. Let's roll!
Fortunes have been won and lost on a tumble of the dice, why not elections? If you're mathematically inclined, you can even assign different "weightings" to each candidate, according to the odds. If you're like the rest of us, you'll have a hard enough time just trying to untie them from your rear view mirror.

3. Pick a leader. Any leader.
This one is ideal when you really, really can't decide between a large number of candidates.

STEP 1 - Find some playing cards and assign one to each candidate, just like the US government does with terrorists. Be creative. Perhaps one of candidates is actually named "Jack". In all likelihood, someone is a queen, and you can bet there will be at least one candidate who makes a complete ace of himself. Why not cut up some magazines or newspapers and paste the leaders faces right onto the cards?

STEP 2 - Shuffle the cards face down and pick one.

ADVANCED - Before choosing, find the card that represents the candidate you like least and remove it from the pile. Now, crumple it, tear it, slice it, maybe even light it on fire, stomp on it and toss it in the trash (after extinguishing the flames) You don't actually have to do any of these things, but might feel a whole lot better if you do.